Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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