How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
