So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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