I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
