if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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