Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
