I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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