I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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