the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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