I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
