I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
