Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
