I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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