Define "chronic" masturbator.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
