We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
