508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize