she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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