just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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