oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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