i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
