Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
