You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize