Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
