Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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