I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My pussy is not your playground.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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