Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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