Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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