I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
