Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
