did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
