why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
