yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
