I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
