if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
