i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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