She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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