so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
