I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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