is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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