I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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