Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
