Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
