easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize