quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
