I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
