just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize