Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
