so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize