There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
