So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
