How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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