It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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