I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
