Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize