Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
