everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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