Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
