How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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