i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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