Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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