You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
