tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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