Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
