after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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