I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Two words: blizzard sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
