sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
