3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
