U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
