just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
