Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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