wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
