thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
