Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
