I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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