ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize