are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
