I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I see more hoeing in ur future
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
