I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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