She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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