I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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