the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
