the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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