she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
