Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
