And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
