then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
