Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
