I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
someone owes me an orgasm
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
