We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
