How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
