____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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