Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A+ Viking dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
