I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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