halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
