I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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