I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
