You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
