i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
