Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize