What a fucking waste of an outfit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
