just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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