i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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