I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
