Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How external is "for external use only"?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
