apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
